-Ms. Maria, he said I'm not Batman!

-Ms. Maria, Jack said I'm not a good boy!

-Ms. Maria, Kayla ate two snacks.

-Ms. Maria, Brady beat me down the slide.

-Ms. Maria, I sneezed.

It never ends! Kids want to tell you everything and it makes sense because you are their reference to life. You are their reference to what is safe and not safe, what is right and what is wrong, what is good and what is bad, what is nice and what is mean. Everything! So they need you as a constant sounding board. But often we over-involve ourselves in the disputes and problems of children. In our over involvement we often fail to realize what children actually want from us: Our recognition and our "okay" of a situation.

I started to notice this during recess when kids would run up to me, tell me something, and then quickly run away. Many times they would be running away while I was in the middle of saying something. Then there were the kids that seemed to linger for a moment and it was clear that they wanted a response but not necessarily involvement. And out of that these three magic phrases were born:

"Did you want to tell me?"

"Thanks for letting me know."

"I'm watching!"

These phrases seem to acknowledge what the children were looking for. They just wanted to tell me something! That's all. Other times just knowing that I was watching and paying attention is all the security they needed to keep playing. Often I will see a child look at me from across the playground to see if I am watching and then happily continue once they receive eye contact.

A lot of reporting behavior is just checking in. Is this okay? Am I safe? Do you care about me? Is my perception of the world accurate? But we mistake this all the time and become fixers and judges. Listen. Are the kids telling you something, or asking a question? We tend to respond as if everything is a question or request, and then get unnecessarily involved.

I want to address unnecessary involvement. Somehow we have created a sense of pride around "teachable moments" where an all-knowing (and always fair ;) ) adult swoops into a situation and saves the day by teaching the children about fairness or sharing or friendship, etc. Children learn the best through concrete experience, not hearsay. The difference is abstract knowledge (what you are saying) compared to concrete knowledge (living and working through the problem). If you are interrupting their learning experience or conflict because you feel the need to teach them, you are robbing them of the actual learning and problem solving practice. Observe the situation, and then discuss it with them later if it seems beneficial. You get the best of both worlds.

Of course children frequently need our help and we should not abandon them in the name of noninterference. If children need more than a quick acknowledgement it will be immediately apparent. The point here is to start observing what children need, and if it is simply reporting behavior the above phrases work wonderfully to acknowledge the child in an easy, adult relieving, way.

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Please feel free to share! And let me know how any of this works for you.